Twilight Redemption

Ok, maybe I’m uncool. Maybe I don’t understand it. After all, I like Degrassi, 90210, and Britney Spears. I’ll let you have it — I’m uncool. Still, allow me to be slightly confused about all this Twilight obsession. What is it with this book and a movie and a very weird fan base?

I don’t recall if I ever saw a project with more of a Fan Freak Factor that the ‘Twilight’ movie and the books. Books and then the movie. If you’re not been living under a rock somewhere, I’m sure you heard about ‘Twilight’. But did you hear about its fans’ obsession, slash, devotion? How can you not, they’re screaming pretty loud.

All because of a fictional story? I mean, I can understand The Beatles, Brangelina, hey I can even understand Miley Cyrus-inspired screaming to the point of fainting, but screaming about a fictional story? Sorry, I don’t get it. But like I said, maybe I’m just helplessly uncool.

Let’s get to the bottom of it. It goes wilder than the actual story. A woman called Stephenie Meyer had a dream one night, about a handsome vampire and an ordinary human girl talking in a meadow. Stephenie woke up the next day, sat down on her computer, and wrote this story. And later she wrote a follow-up story about it, and then two more.

And then, just like that, she sold 25 million copies of it. And then, people just lost it.

As I said, ‘Twilight’ Universe has some weird fucking fans. Sometimes scary. Screaming teens, infatuated mothers; yes mothers, you heard right. I mean talk about super freaky.

First, they read the book and become obsessed with the story and its fictional characters. Then they swamped the author with the letters of how they wanted the story to develop in the next books. Then they created a cult-like following. Then, they heard a movie is going to be made based on the Twilight book. Then they wanted the casting people to cast actors THEY wanted for the book characters. Then casting people told them to fuck off and cast what they saw fit. Then they complained, wrote petitions, and threatened not to see the movie (or to just simply kill themselves) if they keep the actor that was supposed to portray Edward Cullen.

And I could go on.

Well, actually, I will.

When they saw the trailer for the movie, all of a sudden the actor they wanted to kill weeks before, became the most perfect man in the entire universe, and not just in ‘Twilight’ Universe. Then they started to scream everywhere the poor guy appeared. Then they convinced themselves that the actor is actually THE Edward Cullen, the fictional character.

Is this fandom on LSD or something? Do you have friends?

I mean, we all know teen girls are fickle creatures, but get this — as I previously mentioned and you thought I’m joking, even though I would never joke with you — there are also Moms who are obsessed with Twilight! They call themselves “Twilight Moms”. More later on the moms.

Why are this book, this movie, and this story making their fans act like deranged beasts? What is so appealing about this particular story? I mean — I read it, all of them, I liked it, it ain’t Dracula, and nothing grand in the literary department, but an easy, fun read; still, why this degree of obsession?

Let’s analyze it for a moment.

So Twilight is about a frumpy girl that falls in love with the most perfect guy in school/town/world/planet/outer space. He always says the right words, opens the doors, barely touches her, protects her, and he’s always around when she’s in trouble. I get it. They all love the guy. Fictional guy. Edward Cullen. I get it. I didn’t have guys like that in my school either. But maybe it’s because those kinds of guys DO NOT EXIST. Someone created the guy, get it? Someone WROTE him. Not real. Fiction. Get it?

So, as I said, the guy is just simply perfect. Oh right, he is a vampire. So, that explains it then. He has an excuse.

You think I’m too hard on these teen girls? I shouldn’t be that hard on them. Of course they like this story. The fantasy is much more appealing than some acne-prone boy at your school that can not utter an inspiring sentence and throw it your way.

Who should we blame then? The author? Well, I admire her passion, I mean everybody with that kind of imagination deserves some praise, but why did she make this character so ideal? Doesn’t she know that idea of an IDEAL MAN is just so undesirable?

I read somewhere how the author Stephenie Meyer said she wanted to write a love story with a twist. I assume the twist being the boy is a vampire. I agree with her, the story has a twist all right, but not the vampire part, the twist is that she created a love story with a perfect guy, and that is the friggin’ twist.

Why not make Edward Cullen more realistic? Would that make a bad story? Hey, he would still be a vampire, and he would still debate whether he should love her or kill her, but did you have to make him that gorgeous? Ok, he can be gorgeous, I’ll give you that, but does he also have to be rich? Come on Steph, would it be less of a love story if he was middle class? Would we not like the story if he didn’t have all the BMWs and Ferraris?

Didn’t you overdo him just a tiny bit?

And now you have all these little girls stressing about a fictional character and hating their real human boyfriends. Who will ever come close to Edward Cullen in High Schools of America? And the world?

I’m not a fan of writing perfect, ideal characters. I think it creates an unhealthy expectation when young people read the material and expect those kinds of people in real life. I think messing him up a bit could have given him more depth, but I fear the author just wrote a guy SHE would like to have in her life.

What was my feeling when I read Twilight? Did the idea of a perfect guy dazzle me? Hmmm, not so much. When I read the book, Edward Cullen was not perfect and amazing to me, he was a bit cheesy perfect. And in the third book, Eclipse — he is so perfect, when Bella is cruising between him and Jacob Black, he’s not even pissed. He even drives her to him! He’s not jealous at all, I mean come on already. The improbability of so many situations pertaining Edward isn't good for health.

You almost want to hate the guy. 

Edward was just too old-school for school, in my opinion.

Edward as a character. Edward the actor actually did a good job. He wasn’t perfect at all. It’s almost like he didn’t get the memo that he’s going to be playing this perfect guy. He didn’t look, sound, or acted perfect as the character in the book. In fact, in the movie, he looked a bit crazy, manic-depressive, pissed, angry, and frustrated; and not because he was restraining himself from killing her, but because he looked like he really didn’t think of himself as perfect. 

Running after her, just so he can tell her that he should stay away from her, coming closer to her just so he can pull away; that gave him some grit and some depth.

It’s also what made the movie bearable. I can live with that kind of movie. I want to see how they’re going to make the sequel, based on a second book — New Moon. In that book, Edward is almost human, I don’t mean it almost human as if not as vampirish, but almost human, as in not that fictional. Not that made up. 

In New Moon, Edward is stupid, careless, and he makes a lot of mistakes; that’s why the second book is my favorite one.

What amazes me most of all the craziness Twilight produces is certain phenomenon called — The Twilight Moms. We talked about crazy teen girls, and we understood their obsession, given their age. But can someone explain Twilight Moms to me? For the ones who are not in on it, Twilight Moms are older women, moms in their 30s and 40s who are obsessed with Twilight and its fictional characters. 

The same as teen girls, but they are Moms with husbands and kids; yet obsessed with Twilight. Is there something wrong with me if I say I find this a tad bit disturbing?

Twilight Moms even have their own website — twilightmoms.com, where the founder –Lisa, a mom, explains how she came to the idea and tells the world how she was obsessed with the story (?), and a bit embarrassed when she figured out that the only people obsessed with it was 14-year-old girls (you don’t say?), but then she decided to find more older women like herself while creating a website where all the Moms of the world obsessed with Twilight can come to mend their obsession. 

Talk about insightful.

And so Lisa keeps going on by saying that she looks forward to getting home from work every day, so she could catch up on what the other Twilight Moms were talking about all day, spends at least 30 hours a week on the computer “doing Twilight stuff”, and when she’s not — she manages to “squeeze in a couple of household duties and time with family, before its time to go to bed.”

Wouldn’t you be excited to be Lisa’s kid, and you ask your mom for a sandwich or something and she tells you — “Hold on sweetie, Mommy has to discuss the birth of Edward and Bella’s daughter first, and I’ll get you that sandwich in a couple of hours love, hold on tight…”

Hey, I hate to be a party pooper here, but ….. 

First the fanatic teen girls, then even more fanatic Moms, and all about the fictional story and its fictional characters? I hate to say it, but I’m not liking this look of women being hysterical about something. Why are teenage boys not screaming about Bella Swan? Or Kristen Stewart? 

And do we need any more help in being considered obsessive? The guy is always worshiped, and the girl is always left hanging, and I don’t like it. 

I read somewhere that Twilight movie Director Catherine Hardwicke’s Mom came to set one day, and that Catherine wanted to take her to meet the actors portraying Edward and Bella, Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, and the Grandma said — “Just Rob please.”

Even you, Grandma.

Why are we projecting this idealness and perfectness of Edward Cullen, the fictional character — onto the actor portraying it? When the guy himself repeated numerous times that he is nothing, absolutely nothing like Edward Cullen? The guy is made to look, talk, and act like this character, and it’s all movie magic, camera framing, editing, and so on; heck, he doesn’t even look like that in real life, no offense. 

And at the same time, the girl, the actress portraying Bella is terribly overlooked; in mentioning, in screaming, whatever you pick, and why is that? Because it always has to be about the guy?

I must say I like the two main actors and how little fucks they have for feeding into this narrative. Rebelling against all the media frenzy; they are so delightfully anti-Hollywood about this, I find that just so refreshing. He hates all the screaming and attention, instead of being all cocky and egotistical about it, he’s bothered with it.

The girl hates interviews, and all the talk-show appearances where she comes dressed like she’s grabbing an afternoon coffee, with her messy, unstyled hair, sounding like she’s in physical pain answering every Twilight relate question.

I love how “imperfect” they both are in such a perfect franchise.

I could go on. But I’m not.

“As if I could outrun them”. Fans. Not the vampires.

And I’m afraid. Adapting ‘New Moon’, ‘Eclipse’, and ‘Breaking Dawn’ to a big screen, they’re going to be here until 2012, or maybe even 2015.

Both vampires, and the fans.