Salt And Pepper

Salt. Sorry for the delay, I really didn’t plan on covering this movie. Not that I don’t like it or anything like that, it’s that I think there’s not much to say about it. It’s good, it works, and that’s about it for me. It was just simply good fun, Angelina looked majestic, Liev Schreiber is solid like always (seriously climbing up my ladder of favorite actors), August Diehl was charming, almost as much as his Inglorious Bastards role.

There are movies that evoke something in me; it can be good or it can be terrible; important thing is that there’s something I feel strongly about when I walk out of that theater.

Salt is the type of movie that didn’t evoke any of those specific feelings. That’s the reason I didn’t feel compelled to write about it. Also, this is the type of movie that’s difficult to analyze without exposing a plot and messing up the viewer’s entertainment value.

So I’ll just say it’s a mighty good thriller, it’s absurd at times, but it’s beautifully absurd. It’s looking good while being absurd. The thing I appreciate the most is that there are not many effects or CGI, and some things look scarily real. Can’t seem to get around the fact someone so frail as Angelina can do all those stunts, and she’s insisting on doing them herself; she pulled it off.

The plot is smart, it holds attention, even though you know throughout the whole movie - there’s a very tiny chance Evelyn Salt is actually going to turn out to be a villain. No studio is going to make Angelina Jolie a bad guy. The furthest they’ll go is to make her an anti-hero. And if you expect to see a female Bond in action, let me just tell you she makes Bond look like a woos. She ain’t stopping for martinis and quick booty calls. She’s all about action and action alone.

Sorry, that’s all I have. Regarding the movie.

But what I can give you is the effect this movie has on people. Something I found much more interesting, not that the movie’s not, but you know me, I feed on human folly as much as I do on my own. I feed on it. It makes me stronger. Like a Vampire’s blood. I can smell it like they smell fresh blood.

I see it in the eyes, even when it’s attempted to be hidden. The frustration about someone achieving something they want. The jealousy. Judgment. And no one pulls out these kinds of emotions from people as professionally as Angelina Jolie.

It’s hilarious to watch - what this slight little woman and her existence are doing to people’s insides. Premieres. Photocalls. Red carpets. Interviews. And all the hate that followed. Written, said; public and anonymous. It’s like watching a movie. It might even be more fun than SALT. Let’s give it a title - “Angelina Jolie, a Living Reminder of Everything That’s Wrong With Us”! A blockbuster.

I only recently noticed the amount of hate directed toward this person. Never really picked up on it before. Since I’m pretty aware of her existence and all the fun hardware that goes with it, I’m pretty sure the hate in these amounts only appeared now. I get it. It was easier to hate her less when she was “fucked up”; drugs, knives, men, women, tattoos, blood, and so on. Everybody loves what’s fucked up. It makes them feel morally superior. But now that she got out of it, not easy to handle, ay?

I just don't get people. How dare she be a drug addict and get out of it? How dare she get the most desired man in the world? How dare she be the most sought-after female movie star of current times? How dare she have beautiful kids? How dare grow up and become an upstanding charitable citizen that by the way LOOKS LIKE THAT?

The Inquisition is long over, folks. Get over it.

I recently read a study by Dr. Drew that said:

“Envy is different from jealousy. Jealousy is: "They have it and I want it." Envy is: "They have something and I don't have it therefore that diminishes me so I must tear them down.” That is why people hatefully gossip, instead of just having a normal conversation about someone.”

I expect the hate directed toward Angelina coming from regular-looking women that feel they didn’t achieve much. Disclaimer: I don’t think any less of you, I think beauty and success are relevant to the observer, but YOU think low of yourself, by hating on her. You literally told us how little you regard yourself, by spewing hate toward her. No happy or fulfilled person hates.

What I didn’t expect is this hate having such a wide reach. It literally doesn’t chose it’s victims. My cab driver the other day: “Where are you guys going?”. To see a movie. “Which movie?”. Salt. “Is that Angelina Jolie?”. Yes. “I hate her. She’s a terrible actress.”

A fucking cab driver.

Terrible actress?

An Oscar winner?

An Oscar does not guarantee the best actress in the world, but surely can not be given to a terrible actress. A Pakistani cab driver hates Angelina Jolie.

My fav Angelina hate collection:

“He’s only with her because of the kids”

“She’s cutting her daughter’s hair and dressing her into boys clothes because she wants to de-feminize her out of jealousy and competition, because she’s afraid Brad will love Shiloh more”

“She hates Pax”

And the absolute platinum winner:

"I can’t believe Angelina asked Twitter to give her her name back!!! There was actually someone else using @AngelinaJolie but she requested that the account be suspended and took it over?!?! Is that how she treats her fans!!! By having their accounts suspended for just using her name?! Yeah that's real nice of you Angelina! You whore!

Don’t you love this last one?

And he/she is absolutely right! How dare this bitch Angelina request her own name back! How dare she mess up the life of some pathetic soul who constantly wrote stuff pretending to be her? That bitch. 

In that last comment lies the whole core of Angelina Jolie and why she’s hated this much. It’s actually not because she is stunningly beautiful, rich, loved, successful, or compassionate. It’s because she’s fucking smart. It’s because she plays with them like fucking Lego’s and they can’t do absolutely anything about it.

It’s because she has the balls to call up Twitter and ask them to suspend the fucker that's using her name. It’s because she can make NY Times write a piece on her looking more like a student telling on another student to its teacher, than a serious newspaper article.

It’s because the same mighty NY Times knows she’s an entity and they can complain like little bitches because “skillfully, she dictates terms to celebrity magazines involving their coverage of her and her family, creating an awkward situation for publications that try to abide by strict journalistic standards”, or in translation = this little bitch is requesting terms in order to even grant us the interview or even access to her which means she legally prevented us to run wild making up stories and lies about her!

How dare she.

In jail with her!

How dare she fuck with people that are trying to mess with her?

Doesn’t she know her life belongs to us?

How dare she stop us from dissecting her life, tweeting about her life, how dare she? 

How dare she control her life?

She must be fake.

That’s my absolute favorite. "She’s so fake. She’s the biggest faker in the world". Also, I love when this gem comes out of the mouths of the women that injected so much shit into their lips and colored their light hairs brown to look more like Angelina - I fail to see another kind of poetry in the world as great as this one.

It’s true.

If only Angelina can be natural and real, like her "nemesis" that makes up boyfriends, situations, and relationships. Or if she could be real like that little wannabe of hers who is a sex machine, o wait, no, she’s practically a virgin, o wait, no, she’s actually bisexual, o wait, no, she’s actually had only two boyfriends, o wait.

If Angelina can only be real like that. It would be REAL perfect.