The Art of Self-Possession

This year’s Golden Globes had two highlights for me. Tina Fey telling her internet haters to fuck off, and Colin Farrell sniffing really bad and saying, “This is from the cold, not that other stuff it used to be.” 

I’ll get to Colin. Tina first.

I’m in awe at how effortlessly she digs at society. It’s a talent, taking on controversial subjects with subtlety, but power. Never sounding angry. It’s a level of ego and psyche I strive to achieve.

What surprised me the most about her telling the haters to fuck off (to suck it, to be exact), on national television, with all the celebrities in the room listening to her words with familiarity, was the reaction of the general public afterward:

“I couldn’t believe she reads that shit written about her.”

Reaction to these things is often misplaced; people who haven’t dealt with fame feigning at someone as famous as Tina Fey would read what they say about her, but not dwell too deeply on why people say such vile things.

It’s impossible to completely ignore what people say or write about you, and never be affected. On most days, you don’t care about it, but sometimes, when you’re already agitated, tired, and worn out, it gets to you. Sometimes stuff written about you finds you by accident.

How dare you have an opinion about an “opinion” random people have on you? You should stay silent and just take it; after all, being bullied online is a tiny price for all the fame, success, and recognition. In fact, because you have all that, it’s literally YOUR job to take online hate, Tina.

Preferably in silence.

It was therapeutic for me, seeing Tina taking her haters public. Telling them off. On national television. Letting the guests in attendance, and people watching at home in on what she has been dealing with. Take their hate out of anonymity. Say it on the Globes platform. SAY IT.

Enter Colin Farrell.

Colin is the antithesis of this.

The messiest person on earth, who does it with such ease. Have you ever seen someone carry his drama with such conspicuous ease?

I’m jealous.

Colin won for In Bruges.

I can’t begin to describe what that movie meant to me and how it made me feel. It might be one of the first movies that made me feel emotional at its detailed simplicity. The John Lennon bit and the way it played into the narrative of the plot. The midget detail. The build-up and the connection, such brilliant writing.

The best writing is always the simplest one, like the Kerouac that constantly bangs on my head while I’m trying to write but can’t quite find the words to describe the feeling: “One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.”

Martin McDonagh found the simplest words, and they stab you in your heart. The banter between characters, playing off of each other, was like watching a symphony.

Colin’s acting, rewarded by tonight’s Golden Globe for best actor. There is so much of him personally in his roles; he’s beautiful but almost unaware of it, he’s nerdy but hot, clear and concise but sometimes stumbly - it’s another symphony to watch.

I met Colin in 2004 when I got a call at about 11 pm to come put together an after-party for an after-party of a Saturday Night Live Colin hosted. Yes, he hosted an SNL, then they had an SNL after-party, then he wanted to have an after-after-party in the club I worked at.

The manager called me late at night: “I’m tired, it’s late, and quite frankly, I can’t be arsed, can you go down to the club and do an event?” I absolutely cannot, I’m off tonight, and I have classes in the AM. “It’s for Colin Farrell; he needs to be greeted by someone, and run points. Go there now, prep the place.”

Hey, it’s a very hard job, but someone’s gotta.

He was handsome, funny, he talked so fast I could barely keep up, he was bantering with me all night, and told me a young, superfamous actress that also came to the club decided she wanted to go to his hotel with him that night, and “you need to prevent that from happening, Miranda.”

Me?

How?

Make sure she stays away from me.

The whole staff and I ran point all night trying to ensure she wasn’t in his booth, and if she managed to get there, make sure she wasn’t there long.

The whole night seemed scripted, one of the wildest I’ve experienced, and he was just one of those types of people with so much drama that somehow follow him or unravel around him, and not necessarily of his doing.

Our after-after-party episode made me watch In Bruges in a whole different light. His lines in the movie, the way he delivers them, the ease, or at least that’s how it looks on the outside, how comfortable he is in his skin, and how he can come up to the Golden Globe stage to accept the Best Actor award while sniffing and add: “This is from the cold, not that other stuff It used to be”, get the applause, and go on his merry way with such ease of existing.

I can not wait to see where he continues to exist and what roles we’ll have the pleasure of seeing him create in the future.

I’m excited.