Going Home

We talked about my 2 month-long vacation in the previous post, and I promised to go into more details in my next post. So here we are!

I changed a lot this year. Wasn’t this bloody 2016 a diabolic experience for everyone? Also, the year that changed us the most? For me, it was like someone pulled me through some vacuum of realization, content, balance. I never really cared too much what people thought about me, but I did somewhat followed the paths of current times.

I followed what everyone was doing, to some degree, both online and offline, so-called real life. Then the summer came and everyone started to plan their vacations, my friends oversees started to call me, my parents, and everyone had the same line: “When are you coming home?”

I thought about it. I should go home. I wasn’t home for 3 years. It’s time to go. I didn’t see my people, my family. I should go home.

Then I thought some more, and realized, I should. Go home. But what home is, is not necessarily what everyone thinks. What is home? Where is home? Where is my home? The place I was born? The place where rarely anyone truly understands me or puts any effort into trying to. Or is the home the first place I felt like truly at home?

I decided to take 2 months off, from the web, blog, life and yes, go home. But to my home. Home as the city, but also, and moreover a home like a place that made me what I am today.

Do you ever had that feeling of forgetting what you are? Who you are? Feeling of life slamming you to so many walls while punching you in the gut on occasion more often than not? Not being able to even remember where you're headed?

I wanted to use my break, my summer to rediscover that spot, to reappear to myself, to get reminded of who I am, and what I achieved so far.

New York is always that place for me. Space that formed me. I needed to go back, see the places where I went through so many of my struggles that led me to where I am, the present I so often undermine. I needed to walk those streets I walked then, insecure but hopeful in what kind of person I could became.

Walk the streets of Manhattan where you feel your hundred percent, and understand why you want to live in Los Angeles so persistently, on the streets that do not understand you, trying to comprehend what exactly are you trying to achieve, prove. What is it force that keeps you trying?

Sit with people you can talk candidly with, tell them even the unpleasant truths, think how you got there and how long it took you to get there. Smell the unbotherness of the moment that still keeps persisting, no matter how many years pass by.

Why are you so free in this space, in this town? When you are never a hundred percent free, relaxed, yourself anywhere else on this planet?

I searched every day for answers, walked the streets, talked and walked tall and wide, and tried to revive what I am.

Am I all that only at that space?

And how can I find a way to be exactly that, anywhere I go?

Maybe it's impossible.And that's the true magic of New Work.---

The best vacation of my entire life.

Going "home".