Unsexual Revolution

I was scrolling social media the other day, half looking for inspiration, half zoning out, when I ran into a post that read:

   1920: “May I have this dance?”

         1950: “Want to go to the drive in?”

         1994: “Let’s do Macarena! (I plead the fifth on this one)”

         2015: “Here’s my dick pic.”   

A little while ago, I ran into a post that read:

   1995: “I made you this mix tape.”

         2005: “I made you this mix CD.”

         2015: “Here’s a pic of my dick.”   

You get the theme. I’m sure most of you lived the theme. A few weeks ago, I read an article in The Guardian, by Alana Massey - A Woman’s Right to Say ‘Meh’: Being Sex Positive Won’t Guarantee You an Orgasm, about society, at this moment, experiencing some of the most laid-back attitudes toward sex in history. There wasn’t a time when women were as cool about casual sex as men, as present. The only problem being, as women experienced a revolution of having a celebratory attitude towards sex, men experienced the opposite - an anti-revolution of never being worse in bed. Around bed. In attempts to get to bed.

Listening to many stories in my friend circle, as well as obsessing over the hilarity of Instagram profiles such as @tindernightmares, and @holdmetinerholdmeclose where women document their experiences with men and their lame attempts to get them in bed, I just can’t understand how we got here.

When you read the responses of women on these profiles, they are smart, witty, sharp. And men's responses are the equivalent of an 11-year-old child, no exaggeration. They laugh at their own non-existent joke attempts, they get angry if you refuse them, and every single one has the same annoying response when called out on being inappropriate: “I was just joking, chill, you are so uptight!”.

Another thing I noticed in these responses by men, is: “Christ you need to chill, you need to have sex, you’ll feel better”, failing to realize - women have plenty of sex, just not with them.

My absolute winner of these text-attempt-sex convos is this combination -

- Hi how are you?

- Good and you?

  - (Sends dick pick)

  - Jesus. Why would you send me that?

   - Im sorry to offend you.

   - What kind of reaction do you expect a picture of your dick to get?

   - Something like “nice cock” I guess...   

(via @holdmetinderholdmeclose)

I want to know about these people. I want to know who raised them, who are their mothers and fathers, I want to know what they had for lunch growing up, what television shows they watched, what conversations they had at the dinner table, and how they decorated their rooms. I want to know how this happened. How do you become this? I’m mortified.

Yeah I know, men throughout history had this instinct of wanting to subject a woman to something unpleasant, but what’s behind it? Seeing how far they can go? They must know this move of sending a woman you don’t know a picture of your penis won’t get you anywhere. Do you think a sender of a dick pic is great in bed?

I’ve been blessed with great sex in my life, with the small exception of just good, nothing to write home about, but never truly bad sex. I also pay attention to the world around me and I think, like most things in life, having good sex depends on our perception of people. Let me rephrase that - not having bad sex depends on our perception of people. And situations. Paying attention to the patterns in the behaviors of men, seeing their actions, the way they communicate, and their movements - tells you a lot. If you talk to a man and you see shitty responses, and you continue dealing with them, is it really on them, or you, the experience that is about to follow?

I say it again: do you think a dick sender will be great in bed? Why are you still talking?

All those loud, obnoxious types will never rock your world. Clearly, we figured out by now that ego and loudness equal not very much, while stillness and confidence equal something.

My girlfriends often ask me - well, what is a good line a man can tell you, how do you know who’s worth your time, and who will turn out to be a waste of time? This is what’s worth our time: men who don’t care too much about social media, even if they have it. You don’t want someone who is pressing those hearts 30 times a day. Pay attention to how he talks, walks, and moves. The types of men who aren’t about sex, until you have sex. Even a guy that sends me a shirtless photo, if we don’t know each other or never had anything, I block them. Any body-related photo is a non-starter. You want to concentrate on someone talking to you about everything else but sex, until you have it. Flirtation is about the mind, sexual stuff should come after. Not before. Don’t serve as a gateway for these dickheads to feel better about their silly lives.

It crushes me to see all these capable, successful, hot women subject themselves to this digital abuse, thinking this is all that’s out there. There are better men around. You only need to recognize the time-wasters and move along. You can do it. Fuck 'em! (meaning, please don't fuck 'em).