Stop And Stare

Everybody always says – if you want something badly, you’ll get it. People always say a lot of crap that doesn’t make any sense at all. Why do we make ourselves believe all said crap? Life is just random, and that’s it; we are not as special as we think.

Sometimes I wonder why things unravel the way they do. Is there a point in everything? Does everything happen for a reason? Do even bad and unpleasant things happen for a reason? Do we need bad experiences in life to build character?

And just when it is too much?

Because, you know what, my character is built so godamn much, if I build it any more, it’s going to crack the fucking roof.

People also say God will not give you anything more than you can handle. I personally can take a lot less than is given to me. I’m trying to find somebody that works upstairs so that I can tell them I can take much less, boss, so if there’s any way we can fix that, that’d be cool.

But they’re not picking up the phone.

I always think about fairness in life. It’s kind of my obsession. I always try to measure fairness. And it’s the most useless job in the world. As I thought about fairness the other day, I heard a song exactly at that moment, as if it was saying something to me. The song has an interesting spin on fairness. It all kind of made sense, in all of the senselessness.

Why this extreme mood of mine, you ask? Unfortunately, I can’t tell you. But it’s sure going to be an interesting read one day. Collect all the bullshit, sorrow, and write about it one day, Hemingway said. Or was it Kerouac? Can’t remember and I’m too anxious to step over to Google.

While we’re marinating this/that, read the lyrics of the song below. An interesting thing, that thing called music. Without it, how would we know that everybody goes through the same exact things in life? Whoever wrote this was spying on me.

This town is colder now, I think it’s sick of us, 

It’s time to make our move, I’m shaking off the rust,

I’ve got my heart set on anywhere but here, 

I’m staring down myself, counting up the years,

Steady hands, just take the wheel…and every glance is killing me, 

Time to make one last appeal… for the life I lead,

Stop and stare, I think I’m moving, but I go nowhere,

I know that everyone gets scared, 

But I’ve become what I can’t be,

Stop and stare, you start to wonder why you’re here, not there,

And you’d give anything to get what’s fair, 

But fair ain’t what you really need,

Can you see what I see,

They’re trying to come back, all my senses push, 

Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could…

Steady feet, don’t fail me now, 

Gonna run till you can’t walk,

But something pulls my focus out, and I’m standing down…

Stop and stare, you start to wonder why you’re here not there,

And you’d give anything to get what’s fair, 

But fair ain’t what you really need, you don’t need,

Stop and stare, I think I’m moving, but I go nowhere, 

Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared,

But I’ve become what I can’t be...

Do you see what I see…...?